Ocado's New Clothes © fintag

News comments:
I always thought a double dip was dipping twice into fees. Apparently not.

My favourite past time is trawling through PPMs and retail products, especially those from Investec.

Every couple of weeks, dozens of new retail based structured products hit my door mat and I get my quants to reverse engineer them to work out how the issuer is hedging the product. The other task I ask them to perform is to work out the fees.

Why anyone buys retail structured products is beyond me. Fees on net, fees on gross, minimum fees, admin fees, setup fees, subscription fees, exit penalties, fees on fees ...I am in the wrong game.

As I type this, my blood temperature is rising. Not because the fees are tickling my fancy but the central line tube I am on is stuck in a tunnel. I am betting the lady to my right will be fainting in next 5 minutes and my hand made Italian suit will resemble a hedgie in a wet t-shirt competition.

Austerity and cost cutting is the new black (guardian) so I thought I would join in too. After this episode it is back above ground. At least on a bus you can sit, even if the seat is made of concrete and has had the fabric sprayed on. Only once a week mind. My driver needs a job and unemployment doesn't sound fun at all.

So onto Ocado. This private equity play with some ex Goldman Sachers funded by Goldman Sachs have a van for hire business. Valued at GBP1.8 Billion it is touted to float some minority stock for GBP200 million. That is GBP200 million too much. It is a van for hire business. Think haulage. Think Avis. Think Zip car. Think dotcom. Think madness.

Today's shorts:
Hedge Funds: As Liquid As Mud (allabouteve)
Ocado: Worth More Than Apple (cityam)
K1 Suicide (newyorktimes)

Today's longs:
Fairfield Flumoxes FTSE (telegraph)
Pirates Pocket Pounds (financialtimes)

Prediction:
Ocado Stags in for a rough ride.