USD in a museum © A Warhol

News comments:
Last night, I found a time machine in my attic. So I clambered onboard, set the year to 2014 and went to New York. It was pretty grim.

Landing in Central Park was a mistake because it was a prison full of bankers. Don't ask how I escaped, but I did and now have a funny walk. I then visited the Apple-Facebook store on 5th Avenue and played around with some virtual 3D fPads. When I went to pay, the Mexican built droid pointed at the "No Dollars Accepted" notice. It explained the USD was no longer the reserve currency of the world as Ben Bernanke had gone a bit too far with the printing presses and was now sharing a cell with Bernie Madoff. The Double Dip had been a tad severe and the USA was rated as Junk.

The fPad told me in perfect English (how did it know I was a Brit?) rampant inflation had eroded the USD's value and T-Bill coupons were now being paid in German-Euros (GEOs). The Chinese, who owned America, had forced Bernanke to buy back its debt and under pressure of President Palin had done so.

I discovered oil was now priced in GEOs too and China, having floated its currency was now switching to CHINKOs, the new asian currency competing for world currency status. According to Wikipedia, even the UK was using GEOs but King William was engaged in heated discussions about firing the Nick Clegg government and splitting from Europe and joining the Greenland zone of countries and its currency the GROD. The Middle East (the countries that still existed after the great nuclear civil war of 2011) had tried to create its own currency, the MUSO, but the region had turned to the GEOs in return for getting free German cars.

Some of the statistics I read were truly shocking. The biggest shock was reading 35% of the US were now on food stamps and the other 65% were on diets.

The US debt it seems grew too much as Palin gave money to all the states and wrote off their debts. The rest of the world took exception and refused to recognize the US as a first world country.

The streets were full of dead bodies from the rioting the night before. The police and fire fighters hadn't been paid for a year and refused to clear up the mess. However, despite New York now being a shanty town, it was good to see FAO Schwartz was still open and I enjoyed watching the filming of the remake of The French Connection with Justin Bieber in the leading role.

Boy I was glad to get back home and liquidate all my assets into silver and gold.

Today's shorts:
Steve Jobs is unwell and won't make it (daily mail)

Hot headed Arabs have had enough (telegraph)

Primark blamed for USSR statistics error by the UK's ONS (cityam)

Today's longs:
Bernanke spooks the banks and tells them to prepare for Double Dip (bloomberg)

Gossip:
Obama to make it illegal for Americans to have bank accounts with foreign banks.