Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Exclusive: Eurobonds to be launched in July

japan © fintag

News comments:
Having endured some seriously expensive lunches (with two high ranking EU officials, a BoE toad and a diplomat), fintag can now reveal exclusive breaking news that will bring tears of pain to capitalists and orgasmic whoops of joy to market distorters and short termist politicos everywhere.

The Eurobond is being readied up for imminent launch.

Although these new and exciting notes are not going to be underwritten by all the EU countries (Germany cannot under its current constitution), the EU is going ahead anyway as it has to save the Euro currency and keep the EU family together with one huge group hug.

The EBs will be underwritten by the PIIGS, France and the Netherlands. The CRA's are currently under CA and NDA and are rating the EBs as you read this; rumours are they may well get a subprime AAA because that is what the market demands and Germany will end up guaranteeing them anyway.

Fiscal union is on its way and we can all enjoy some stability over the coming years as Europe turns into Japan with its lost decades of zombie banks, non growth and triple digit debt. Good times are back.

The eurocrats are delighted for they have saved their jobs, created new jobs, enabled the banking sector to be saved, given breathing space to most of those underwriting the debt and most importantly found a way to hopefully create some double digit inflation.

All those LBOs ready to go bust in 2015, dried out resi mortage markets, bankrupted Irish real estate developers, toxic asset funds, stressed out pirate equity jockeys, bored bank managers, covenant reset lawyers and distressed debt owners will all go away in one fell swoop! Mezzanine Debt saves Debt! Tarp 2.0 is born! Savers get rates! Greece stays in! Spain has no bad debts!

Or have I just woken up from a hangover induced dream...?

Today's shorts:
FB worst IPO ever (telegraph)

FB was never worth USD300bn (fintag)

This is why academics should never run hedge funds - what were MAN thinking (reuters)

Today's longs:
EuroPigs (zacks)

Gossip:
Key buyer of Eurobonds will be Japan.



3 comments:

Anonymous said...

In short this article is total BS

Corp Tax said...

BUY BUY BUY!!!!!!

Moron said...

Gold knows something equities havent yet tweakend. Some form of QE/EB is on the way...buy this market bitchez